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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23656903">You and I, whoever said we couldn't have it all?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/delightfuls/pseuds/delightfuls'>delightfuls</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>I'll wait for you, [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:06:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,906</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23656903</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/delightfuls/pseuds/delightfuls</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"She knocks until her knuckles hurt, looking side to side to make sure she doesn’t look mad, but it’s getting dark, the people don’t seem to really care about her or her huge dress. She’s so absorbed in her surroundings that she doesn’t take into account that her knuckles are no longer hitting the wooden door but rather something warm, him. “Lia? What are you doing here.”</p><p>Or Cordelia Carstairs' wedding is not everything she expected it to be.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cordelia Carstairs/Matthew Fairchild</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>I'll wait for you, [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776409</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You and I, whoever said we couldn't have it all?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>She feels sick, like something is bubbling from the pits of her stomach, begging to come out, one hand clutches the fabric at her waist while the other raises itself to her mouth. It feels like- <em>Like</em> “Butterflies?” A soft voice offers her.<em> Matthew</em>. She doesn’t turn around, leaving her back to him, knowing he will come forward either way. When he’s close enough he lets out a breath. And then takes in a sharp breath. She realizes then, her naked back faces him, because she hadn’t finished lacing her dress up. “Everyone is waiting, do you need help?” He asks, and she still hasn’t looked him in the eye, but she can see his reflection from the mirror at the corner of the room. He seems dull, not the vibrant boy she has come to know</span>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<em>Lia</em>- I mean Cordelia, do you need help?” He asks again. She nods quickly. His delicate fingers draw the strings at each side of her dress pulling them to the centre. The ghost of his touch lingers on her skin. "There, you look, <em>beautiful.</em>..He is lucky to have you.” He says, before turning away. It’s only then that she turns around to look at him, to say something, everything, anything. “Matthew-” But he’s already out the door. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Walking down the aisle shouldn’t be hard, but it is. She’s wanted this since she was 14, to be walking towards him, <em>James Herondale</em>. Her mind had it perfectly planned out, be with James Herondale, love him until the end. But the thing is no one told her life doesn’t always go as planned. She had so long envisioned herself by his side, that she had lost sight of who she was, she wasn’t <em>just</em> ‘Daisy’ or just someone waiting around for James’ approval, for <em>his love</em>. She was Cordelia Carstairs. She was someone beyond James’ second choice (she winced at the thought of it, but it was true) and beyond what her mother thought of her. Matthew had helped her understand that much. She remembers it like yesterday, her hand on his as he drove, their hair flowing in the wind as he sang the lyrics of a song that <em>he deemed</em> a ‘hit’ terribly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She continues walking, seeing the smiling face of Lucie, the stern look of her mother’s gaze. She saw her brother’s unwavering support in her and Anna’s eyes following her, “breathe” the woman mouthed. Cordelia then turned to look ahead where James was, his smile was radiant but she couldn’t help but look to his side, where Matthew was.<em> Or rather was supposed to be</em>. “Where is he?” She asked almost desperately. James’ smile faltered. “I- Uh, he needed a breather-” But they both know that, that was not true. She can see the pain in his eyes, James believes Matthew would rather go drink than attend his wedding. But she knows that isn’t what Matthew is doing. He’s <em>avoiding her</em>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She breathes out. “I have to go.” She says as she turns away from him slowly causing the audience to whisper in confusion. “Daisy, I love you…” “And I do <em>too</em>, James I have loved you with every part of my soul, waited for you to feel the same, but I- he, he needs me, and I need to finally make a decision, for myself, not for anyone else, for me.” She grabs James’ face and gives him a kiss on the cheek. “I will always love you James, but I am finally choosing myself.” She grabs her skirts and runs down the stairs not staring back as the crowd erupts in gasps. Only turning back to glance at Anna, who offers a smile of encouragement, and that’s exactly what she needs to push the doors open.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>She runs outside expecting to see him in the front yard but he’s nowhere near, his car is parked, but he’s not here. He must’ve decided to walk back to his place. He is so infuriating she thinks to herself. She jumps into his car, looking for the hidden spare key he had shown her. Her hand wraps itself around the stick shift. But it doesn’t take long for it to start raining. Before she knows it and before she can get the roof of the car up, she’s soaked, but she finds herself not giving a fuck. When she’s finally at his place, her dress is soaked, her hair undone, and her makeup dripping a bit. But thankfully the rain has stopped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grabs her skirts and drags the heavy material out of the car before furiously knocking on his door. She knocks until her knuckles hurt, looking side to side to make sure she doesn’t look mad, but it’s getting dark, the people don’t seem to really care about her or her huge dress. She’s so absorbed in her surroundings that she doesn’t take into account that her knuckles are no longer hitting the wooden door but rather something warm, him. “<em>Lia</em>? What are you doing here.” He asks, his bow tie undone, and his white button down rolled up at the sleeves rumpled. The candle light above them illuminates his features, his brows are wound close in confusion, maybe even hope. While his mouth frowns. The air is thick around them, the humidity and the rain clings onto her skin. Everything heightens the tension between their two souls. “I-” But before she can say anything more, he walks back inside, leaving the door open for her to enter. He’s trying to freeze her out. But she won’t let him. She follows him to his living room, the room is dark, the only source of light is coming from the fireplace and the back doors leading towards his garden. He’s always been fond of the flora, she smiles as she thinks about him passing his fingers through the fields of flowers they had seen back then. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She moves towards his reading table, where a copy of Oscar Wilde’s Dorian lays on its back, her fingers trace the book’s cover, its engraved title. She stands there awkwardly waiting for Matthew to come back. She turns towards the windows, and looks at the garden, <em>maybe this was a bad idea</em>, she sighs to herself, but before she can move away, she hears little footsteps, and the next thing she knows his dog is by her side. She kneels and smiles, “You must be Oscar-" She holds its paw and shakes it, "Matthew has told me so much about you.” She lets out as she moves her fingers behind the dog’s ears and gives him a scratch. Oscar gives her a playful lick on the cheek and leaves the room, as <em>he</em> enters. He looks at her from bottom to top, taking in a breath. She sees that he is holding a jacket. He sees her gaze aimed towards the jacket, and only then he seems to realize what he had intended on doing before he saw her, so he moves forward and rests it on her shoulder softly. “You must be freezing, here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moves away from her as soon as she’s comfortable enough under his jacket. She frowns. “Why are you here Cordelia, <em>everyone</em> must be worried sick.” He asks leaning near the back doors as he gazes outside. Anything to not look at her. She closes her eyes,<em> it’s now or never.</em> “You know why, Matthew.” He whips his head towards her, hope seeping into his eyes, but then just as quickly averting his gaze to the ground. “No, I do not.” He says coldly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> She lets out a groan. He flinches, at the sound and she instantly regrets it. This man in front of her has been completely disregarded his whole life, even when things were serious. So she cautiously moves towards him, dropping the coat to the floor. “Matthew, I love you.” She says as her fingers graze his forearm. He lets out a sharp breath and moves out of her space, opening the back doors and heading outside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She follows him, but let’s him keep the distance between them. She sees his hands twitch at his sides, he’s aching to touch her, but he doesn’t move. She looks at him, and sees his eyes, they’re pleading, begging. “Cordelia, don’t<em> please</em> don’t. Not when <em>Jamie</em> is waiting for you, not when your mother doesn’t want me- <em>Her mother never approved of him, and he knew</em>. She stops him, because she doesn't care. “Don’t you get it, I don’t care? This is about <em>me</em>, who<em> I</em> choose! Don’t you get it?” She yells. He turns his head to the side pinching the bridge of his nose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’re not choosing James? Cordelia, he loves you! He would <em>die</em> for you, he’s good for you, you love him, and he loves you. What more is there to say?” He almost screams. Thunder echoes in the sky and she knows it's about to start raining, they both do, and yet no one moves. Her fingers bury themselves in her dress as it starts slowly raining. He starts heading towards the door to go back inside but he grabs his arm and holds him there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not about choosing him! I have chosen him for the better part of my young years, but<em> now I am finally choosing myself</em>. I am finally choosing my happiness over someone else’s. And with you, it’s like I can do that, I can be whoever I want to be, who I was meant to be, there are no titles, no nicknames, no anxious thoughts, it’s like I can finally breathe, I am free with you like with no one else, Matthew. I know you feel the same, don’t lie to me.” They’re both dripping, by the time she’s done. He looks at her, “<em>Lia</em>… You cannot mean this not when, not when you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>his Daisy, not when-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She puts her fingers to his lips, and lets out a laugh, finally raising her face to the skies and letting the clouds drench her. “You’re quite hardheaded, do you know that <em>Matthew Fairchild</em>? I am not <em>his</em>, I might’ve been a long time ago, but I am my own person, only I govern my thoughts and my heart, and these past few weeks they have both chosen you, <em>I love you, Matthew</em>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tension in his body seems to finally leave him. His shoulder sag in relief as he lifts his own hand up to cup her fingers. Slowly he kisses them, and she melts. Her gaze grew soft at the sight. “Then, I must say, Cordelia Carstairs, that<em> you have owned me body and soul, since the day you called me beautiful</em>.” She scoffs, swatting his chest. She raises her brow playfully. “So what? You just fell for me that first night we danced together? <em>My my!</em> That isn’t quite romantic.” She lets out an exaggerated huff. She gives him an amused smile but he looks at her seriously as he takes her chin between his fingers. “It wasn’t all at once, first little by little, like snowflakes drifting, until I was completely enamoured, by you.” And she kisses him then because what more is there to say. She grips the back of his head to pull him deeper as he raises her off her feet. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>"I love you, <em>Lia</em>," He whispers when they separate, his breath mingling with hers. <em>"I love you."</em></span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For Fatima, Ari and Nardos,<br/>Kudos and comments are always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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